"Hi, nice to meet you!  I'm your new home!  I've been waiting for you.  Come on in and let me show you around.  If you are like most humans, you are looking for a great value.  THAT'S ME!  As you will see, I've got so many great things about me that you wouldn't think I'd have such a low price tag.  One of the best things about me is I sit up on this hill looking out over the ocean and hills.  I'm centrally located so you can get to the pier, beaches, downtown, Dana Point harbor and grocery stores in just minutes.  And check out my street.  It's a very quiet cul-de-sac.  Once you get inside it's quite cozy and charming.  I'm as comfortable as an old pair of jeans.  I've had some upgrades such as bull nosed corners, and recessed lights and my appliances in the kitchen are GE stainless steel.  Take a look down that hall right there.  Do my wood floors shine or what?  When I was born I had this really dangerous step down shower in the master.  My humans took that out and put in that beautiful shower.  My current human was a perfectionist and kept me in such good shape.  Go out back.  Take in my view.  On those perfectly clear days the ocean is dotted with sailboats that contrast their white with the ocean's deep deep blue.  It's amazing.  The sunsets I've watched over the years are uniquely spectacular and would have taken my breath away except that I am a house and I don't breathe.  Before you leave make sure to see the garage with it's epoxy floor." Hey-this home sells itself!